1. I am going to preface this embarrassing moment with an embarrassing confession: It was that time of the month and I was shopping for a plethora of calories. While I was there, ran into a client of mine. He sneaked a peek (RUDE, RIGHT?!) into my basket and saw that I had purchased the following things:
- Half Pint of Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
- Five Party Pizzas
- A tabloid advertising the latest dirt on KimYe
- Super-Plus-Heavy-Flow-Dear-God-You-Are-Bleeding-But-You-Aren't-Dying Tampons
2. With my mother in Walmart. I asked her what she thought of my new pants and she says, "Oh Jenna! What do you have all over your butt?" And she proceeds to fervently pat and wipe the seat of my pants in the most public of places: the checkout area. I look down at her and say something like, "Okay mom, this isn't embarrassing at all..." She looks up at me and realizes what she's doing and stops.
3. Witnessed my dad run into a giant display of Life Cereal and topple it over.
4. This actually happened to me this weekend - I was in the canned-food section, and I was hankerin' some pickles. Like those giant kosher dills that make everything right in the world. I went over to the shelf and there was a young guy kneeling on the floor stocking the jars, and he obviously was on a long shift and was just wasting time and dawdling so he didn't have to go home early. I reached for a jar near him and he saw me, said hello, and then promptly dropped a whole jar of pickles. It happened so fast that neither of us reacted, so I just said something like, "Oh, I'm sorry." And he said, "Um, er, you didn't do it." And then he got up, rather clumsily and kind of lost his balance, saying "Whooaaaaa..." and ran into the opposite shelf. I was like, "Um, can I help?" And he just mumbled something like, "Just don't step in it."
5. Was caught looking through the $5.00 bin of movies for a copy of You, Me, and Dupree.
6. Tried on one of those bras that is supposed to make your breasts THREE-TIMES LARGER. WHAT. (P.S. No woman should ever do this, your breasts are amazing just the way they are.)
7. In high school I was going through this phase of wearing men's clothing. I was really into wearing pleated Dickies, suspenders, and those corduroy jackets with the patches on the elbows. At the time, my hair was kind of a mullet, and this lady comes up behind me and says, "Oh, let's ask this young man here," and taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and she realizes that I'm actually a teenaged girl, and gets all flustered and apologizes. I was mortified as well, and said, "It's okay, ma'mn, it happens all the time.
8. When my hair was pink, I was told by an old man with hippie braids that I had "the prettiest dern hair" he'd ever seen.
9. Have run into a lot of my classmates who work there, but they are the classmates that I wasn't really friends with or knew that well, and it's been so long since high school, I don't know weather to ask them about their life or just pretend I don't remember them.
10. Ate a sandwich in the car department while my oil was getting changed, simultaneously watched Phineas & Ferb on the television they have back there.