5 Haikus About Irrational Fears

Everyone has irrational fears. And I seem to have more than a few. Most of them have been concocted by my overactive mind, spinning stories about Wes Craven-esque horror scenes that mostly involve mundane objects or things. There is so much in this sick sad world to be afraid of, why do I have to be afraid of silly things?

Since 'tis the season for all things scary, I thought I would give you all the pleasure of reading about some of the irrational fears I have about everyday things or situations. Because, being scared shitless makes me want to write in 5-7-5 pentameter.

while eating lo mein
the brittle wood might splinter
and pierce my eyeball

the ass who wont stop
whining is in 16C
and I'm in 16B

i turn the corner
to just see my double self
we make eye contact

tiny crying thing
can sense fear and awkwardness
get away from me

trying to rid them
panicked dread, gasping for air
staying forever

 

I only wrote about 5 of my irrational fears...the list of my superstitions and what frightens me go on and on. Some honorable mentions are:

- Subway Grates
- People who part their hair down the center
- Lumber Semis (think Final Destination)
- Mice
-Receiving papercuts with corrugated plastic

What are some of your irrational fears?

Top Ten Tuesdays: Ten Men I Could Love and Devote Myself To For All Eternity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As Valentines Day approaches, I'd like to reflect on my love life. And what a horrible, hillarious, and awesome dramedy it has turned out to be. So, this is an excercise I used to do with Theresa in high school. We would create lists like these with a mixture of celebrities, fictional characters, cartoon crushes, and real high school boys, and pass them around. I wish I could find some of the old ones to show you because they are truly hilarious. And a little bit sad and desperate.

But that's beside the point.

Here's my list of my top crushes:

1. Wolverine as played by Hugh Jackman in X-Men Orgins: Wolverine (2009)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alright, so Wolvie doesn't really have the best personable skills, or is the easiest to live with, but...oh man look at all those rippling muscles. I mean, the Wolverine that is hardened by his past, but is still a puppy when it comes to love. What a package: he's got sexy lumberjack facial hair, drives a motorcycle, plus he is indestructible, which means he would have my back in a barfight. And even though he's a beast, I'll bet he still likes his tummy rubbed.

 

2. Joseph Gordon Levitt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This man looks absolutely dashing in anything he wears. Especially a suit. Joey probably was born wearing a three-piece suit because he always looks so fashionable and put together. Aside from his dapper duds, he also has a down-to-earth opinion about his celebrity status, "The whole concept of celebrity pisses me off. While I'm not a celebrity, it's such a weird concept that society has cooked up for us. Astronauts and teachers are much more amazing than actors." Now this isn't a total rejection of his popularity (a la Johnny Depp) but I could see myself dating some one who doesn't let his career or success overpower his life. 

 

3. Demitri from Anastasia (1997)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although Demitri is a con-man of the lowest caliber (i.e. lying to the Dowager Empress of Russia and Princess Anastasia), he has a very kind heart (i.e. refusing to accept the reward money for finding Anastasia). Plus, he's a sexy Russian with a charming crooked nose, and a voice that sounds exactly like honorable mention John Cusack.

 

4. Desmond Hume from Lost (2004-2010)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Many people would argue that their Lost-addition to this list would be Jack or Sawyer, whom are both sexy in their own right. But no, my fangirl heart belongs to that sexy Scottish brogue Desmond. He's attractive because of his unattainability. His heart will always belong to Penny and will triumph over anything I would ever do to try and win his heart... But Desmond, YOU ARE MY CONSTANT!

 

 

5. Uncle Jesse from Full House (1987-1995)

I don't think there needs to be any explanation for this choice except that I am a product of the 80's and a child of the 90's.

 

6. Robert Downey Jr.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear RDJ, could you be anymore of a BAMF? Being with you forever would satisfy my rebellious nature by being with such a bad boy. We could pop some bottles and drive around in a fast car and then make love on top of a skyscraper in Tokyo. You're wild, RDJ, please don't stop. Love, Jenna.

 

7. Duckie from Pretty in Pink (1986)

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't know about you, but I would have picked the devoted and dorky Duckie over stupidface snobby Blaine. Yes, he is a little bit creepy and doesn't understand personal space or normal social behaviors, but I attract the weird ones anyway. I'd live to love him.

 

8. Ray LaMontange

I want to marry a musician. Ray is a great poet, songwriter and performer. I imagine our summer nights would consist of us drinking wine barefoot on the porch while he wrote songs dedicated to me. I would be his biggest fan.

 

9. Inman from Cold Mountain (2003)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

His awkward nature is a sexy fault. We'd fight wars for each other and journey home to Cold Mountain and our love once again. "She's the place I'm heading. But I hardly know her. I just can't seem to get back to her."

 

10. Fred and George Weasley from The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I informed my brother of this choice, this is what he said: "Oh! So they could 'bludger' you at the same time?"
There's only one condition: I would have to date them as a pair or else they would do that silly twin trick where they would switch places and make me wonder if I was dating the right wizard. I couldn't choose. Also, I would imagine that we would spend all day laying in bed being creative and thinking of wild tricks and games and fun pranks to pull on people.

Linky Links 11.18.10

  • Wanna learn something about Generation Y? Check out this cool infographic by Flowtown. For those readers age 18-28, how do you compare to these statistics?
  • Meet Luis Soriano and his donkey, Alpha. The story of the Bilboburro is so inspiring. Reading is awesome.
  • This is why you should never date a writer.
  • A new bike attatchment created by Korean designer Eungi Kim called "Horsey" makes me want to ride off into the sunset on my Schwinn. Her design is one of 3000 that were entered in the 2010 Seoul Cycle Design Competition, organized by Designboom in collaboration with Seoul Design Foundation.
  • This toy camera store has many fun cameras at very reasonable price. (The Four Corner Store ships from Delaware, a great state that has no sales tax!) Plus, a portion of the profits are donated to local animal shelters. I'm in puppy love! My favorite? The Digital Biscuit Cameras. They look good enough to eat!
  • Think about all the possibilities of life if we all persued the Art of Being a Goofball.
  • Look at these maps of racial integration in American cities created by Eric Fischer. How do you think your city is segregated? How is it unified or divided?
  • Dark, dangerous, and sexy photography doesn't always have to involve people. Check out Thomas Allen's Pulp Novel Art. "He begins his process by cutting figures and images out of illustrated pages of old books and vintage fiction novels. Allen then cleverly rearranges and juxtaposes the forms to create three-dimensional scenes. Next, he carefully lights his subjects and photographs the scenes. When separated from their original stories, the figures take on fresh roles in entirely new situations. Yet they retain their intended purpose of storytelling." - Golberz.com
  • My new designer girl-crush.
  • An haunting and beautiful comic by illustrator Emily Carroll.
  • Are you a woman? Cool! Do you love gay men? I do too! Lucky for us, Street Carnage's Ryan O'Connell has compiled a list of rules for this mutual love and adoration fest that often occurs between a straight woman and a gay man. Bring it on Will and Grace.
  • The new LED nightclub room at Smack that will have you saying HELL YES! And dancing on the bar before you fall onto a guido because the lights blinded you.