As Valentines Day approaches, I'd like to reflect on my love life. And what a horrible, hillarious, and awesome dramedy it has turned out to be. So, this is an excercise I used to do with Theresa in high school. We would create lists like these with a mixture of celebrities, fictional characters, cartoon crushes, and real high school boys, and pass them around. I wish I could find some of the old ones to show you because they are truly hilarious. And a little bit sad and desperate.
But that's beside the point.
Here's my list of my top crushes:
Alright, so Wolvie doesn't really have the best personable skills, or is the easiest to live with, but...oh man look at all those rippling muscles. I mean, the Wolverine that is hardened by his past, but is still a puppy when it comes to love. What a package: he's got sexy lumberjack facial hair, drives a motorcycle, plus he is indestructible, which means he would have my back in a barfight. And even though he's a beast, I'll bet he still likes his tummy rubbed.
This man looks absolutely dashing in anything he wears. Especially a suit. Joey probably was born wearing a three-piece suit because he always looks so fashionable and put together. Aside from his dapper duds, he also has a down-to-earth opinion about his celebrity status, "The whole concept of celebrity pisses me off. While I'm not a celebrity, it's such a weird concept that society has cooked up for us. Astronauts and teachers are much more amazing than actors." Now this isn't a total rejection of his popularity (a la Johnny Depp) but I could see myself dating some one who doesn't let his career or success overpower his life.
Although Demitri is a con-man of the lowest caliber (i.e. lying to the Dowager Empress of Russia and Princess Anastasia), he has a very kind heart (i.e. refusing to accept the reward money for finding Anastasia). Plus, he's a sexy Russian with a charming crooked nose, and a voice that sounds exactly like honorable mention John Cusack.
Many people would argue that their Lost-addition to this list would be Jack or Sawyer, whom are both sexy in their own right. But no, my fangirl heart belongs to that sexy Scottish brogue Desmond. He's attractive because of his unattainability. His heart will always belong to Penny and will triumph over anything I would ever do to try and win his heart... But Desmond, YOU ARE MY CONSTANT!
5. Uncle Jesse from Full House (1987-1995)
I don't think there needs to be any explanation for this choice except that I am a product of the 80's and a child of the 90's.
Dear RDJ, could you be anymore of a BAMF? Being with you forever would satisfy my rebellious nature by being with such a bad boy. We could pop some bottles and drive around in a fast car and then make love on top of a skyscraper in Tokyo. You're wild, RDJ, please don't stop. Love, Jenna.
I don't know about you, but I would have picked the devoted and dorky Duckie over stupidface snobby Blaine. Yes, he is a little bit creepy and doesn't understand personal space or normal social behaviors, but I attract the weird ones anyway. I'd live to love him.
8. Ray LaMontange
I want to marry a musician. Ray is a great poet, songwriter and performer. I imagine our summer nights would consist of us drinking wine barefoot on the porch while he wrote songs dedicated to me. I would be his biggest fan.
His awkward nature is a sexy fault. We'd fight wars for each other and journey home to Cold Mountain and our love once again. "She's the place I'm heading. But I hardly know her. I just can't seem to get back to her."
10. Fred and George Weasley from The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling
When I informed my brother of this choice, this is what he said: "Oh! So they could 'bludger' you at the same time?"
There's only one condition: I would have to date them as a pair or else they would do that silly twin trick where they would switch places and make me wonder if I was dating the right wizard. I couldn't choose. Also, I would imagine that we would spend all day laying in bed being creative and thinking of wild tricks and games and fun pranks to pull on people.