My Adressbook Reasonings

These are some poems I wrote a long time ago that I just found and thought I would share with you. It was part of a story where a woman dated 26 men with names beginning different letters of the alphabet. Enjoy!

Adam, sorry I killed your cat.
It didn't like you anyway.

Brad, ever since I met you
I've changed the way I laugh three times.
But every version reminds me of you.

Chuck, I bet you ten bucks that
You would drown.
A bittersweet victory.

Doug, I don't mean to change the
Subject, but your mother makes
The worst potato salad.

Ed, the lifeguard.
It ended when I heard you gave
Mouth to mouth
To a girl who didn't need it.

Frank, I gave you a fake number.
But I didn't really mean to.
It was my dentist's office.
(I really need to schedule an appointment.)
Call me.

Greg, remember when your brother
Walked in on us?
Awkward.

Hank, I didn't know people actually
Still listen to
Barbara Streisand.

Iggy Pop, I wish I had dated you
But you probably wouldn't remember it
The next day.
And I'd end up with an STD.

Jack, they say that men
Get better with age.
But do they mean at chess?

Killer, I know that you're a hardcore biker,
But would you please not call me
"The Bitch"?

Luke, sorry for all of those
Darth Vader impressions.

Mark, even though you're a DJ,
And you should know this,
"I Want Your Sex"
Will always make people uncomfortable.
And they will want to leave you're party.

Nick,
Waffles
Are not a major food group.

Oliver, yeah it was horrible
When Ashley Simpson lipsynched on SNL.
But jeez, man,
Get over it.
She can't sing anyway.

Pete, I know you will never lie to me
Because anyone who voted for Bush
Is too stupid to lie.

Quit while you're ahead, Max,
World Peace
Is unattainable.
Try wearing a ribbon,
Or one of those bracelets
That used to mean something,
But don't anymore.
On second thought,
Go into fashion.

Rick, you're such a dick.
(Speaking of which, that you are lacking.)

Steven, you know, I don't really appreciate
That the extent of our relationship
Is charted by e-mails and text messages.
BTW...I H8 U.

Tyler, no I haven't seen your sock.
Stop asking me.
What are you doing here?
You don't even do your laundry at my Laundromat.
Stop smelling my clothes.

Ukuleles are NOT a sexy instrument to play.
Hate to break it to you, Kyle.
I bet you can't play any
Elton John
or
Lionel Richie
With that.

Vince, I draw the line
At stick people.

Warren, how many times do I have to tell you,
Paris Hilton is not on a hunger strike.
I bet you she doesn't even know where Indonesia is,
Skinny Bitch.

X-Rays tell me nothing
About that growth
You-Know-Where,
You-Know-Who.

Yuck.
You barfed on my shoe
AND in my purse.
See if I take you on the Ferris Wheel
Again, Lex.

Zed, things were alright with you
Until you turned out to be a female.
Now instead of making out,
I do your make up.
And convince you that you are not fat.