Last year, I had to visit the chiropractor for the first time in my adult life after an incident involving clumsy me slipping on some ice outside a liquor store and MIRACULOUSLY not shattering the wine bottle gripped to my chest.Read More
With the New Year upon us, and well under way, I thought I'd share a few resolutions I've been thinking about starting...Read More
The road was treacherous, and long. But we took it anyway.
It was our plan all along.
To escape from this small town and find
A place where we belong.
Run away with us to our past.
Seemingly, it was our last chance to survive. Either perish or just leave.
So we did.
It would be difficult to tell you what we packed. It would be difficult to tell you what we left behind. Basically, we were armed with speckled notebooks, black pens, mix tapes, skateboards, and backpacks. We carried with us a map that we never followed
What can we say?
We didn’t need much where we were headed.
Where were we headed?
Read on and find out.
We had no destination.
This was frightening to us.
But that’s how most adventures begin.
By just beginning.
We were clothed in muddy sneakers and we bore bloody (and freckled) noses.
This was all that we needed.
And it was BLISS.
We never got bored.
The books we read on our journey were alive. The books we wrote were moreso.
They talked to us, and told us their secrets. Did you know that books eat souls?
There was always somewhere to go, someone to meet, something that scared
But in those quiet times, we would realize that life was too messy and we would find our purpose again and listen to the wind.
We thrived on experiences. We were never starving, but always hungry.
For something more, something just beyond our reach.
So we walked on.
We didn’t have to travel anywhere fast. We savored our journey like one would savor a meal.
We let the sights and sounds and scents surround us as we used our fingers to gobble up the world and slurped our soup.
The music we heard was unlike any music that has ever reached human ears. Imagine the sweetest sound in the world, and then imagine it is multiplied so many times you don’t know where one note ends, and another begins. The music we heard was like that all the time. It was inescapably beautiful and wondrous.
Everyone we met on our journey was a poet. Only we didn’t know it then. We knew everyone for who they really were and we never judged. We thought that people had stories and pain and pleasures to share with us, if they allowed us to share the load.
We fell in love countless times with everything we saw.
It was always a feeling of first love - without the heartache and without the awkwardness.
We were never sad when we left one place to travel to another, even if our love for the initial place was unfathomable. Love for us was circumstantial.
WE REMEMBERED EVERYTHING.
Only if everyone could know what we learned. Minutes for us felt like hours, but in in the way one imagines minutes lasting for hours to be.
Forever is a deliciously long time.
We discovered that nothing mattered.
Yet everything mattered at the same time.
Everything was fantastically vivid, but nothing was strikingly harsh or garish. There was a certain softness in which we saw everything, yet nothing was muted or dull. Everything appeared as it was, so truthful, to the point where we had to look away because it frightened us that things could be so REAL.
Some places we went, we felt like we had been there before.
And others were strange and alien to us.
Our senses would sometimes trick us into believing
You’d think us crazy if we told you we transcended time and space.
Don’t believe it impossible. We we tell you we’ve seen the past, it’s all been done before. When we tell you we’ve seen the future...you wouldn’t believe us if we told you what we saw.
And we might ruin everything for you.
Especially the ending.
Ooooh, it’s good.
WE NEVER TIRED.
OUR EYES WERE ALWAYS OPEN.
OUR MINDS ALWAYS RACING BUT GETTING US NOWHERE.
(We could walk there ourselves).
Life and death finally made sense to us. We understood things we could have never imagined.
We couldn’t even BEGIN to describe what we saw. Our eyes saw things that would not be the same in your eyes. So if we told you, it would only make it worse. Just imagine a world of infinite possibilities and people and natural wonders and beauty and ugliness.
And you would only understand a small bit of our journey.
When it was time to return, we didn’t want to go back. We had to face the harsh reality that our journey had ended. The road home was short, but we held more regrets. We had seen the world in all its joyful sorrow.
And for us, that was enough.
Though we had an epic journey, we’re slowly forgetting it all.
Memories are all we have.
ALL WE HAVE.
And it may be all we’ll ever need.
We found our place in the world, don’t worry.
This journey is never over, really.
Photo by Dino Reichmuth on Unsplash
That moment when you realize you had a typo in your self-promotional Christmas card that you sent to a hundred of your friends, family, and colleagues...
I'm pretty embarrassed, humiliated, and upset about my mistake. To put it in perspective, it's like a baker using salt instead of sugar, or a carpenter installing the hinges backwards on a door, or a dog walker that returns a dog to the wrong house. It's bad.
I obviously didn't check my spellcheck twice.
I've read that one of the things you should do after you make a mistake is first, apologize (sorry mom!), then find a way to fix it. Well, all of my cards are out in the mail and even *international* so there's no redacting the typo. I'm not going to send a second postcard to point out my mistake. The best thing I can do is own up to it, and I'm choosing to do that and write a little about what I've learned.
A colleague of mine once gave me some advice about mistakes: allow yourself to feel bad about it for five minutes, then move on. Let me tell you, I spent my entire thirty-minute commute this morning feeling bad about it and trying to find ways and imagining scenarios in my head to make up for my blunder. I just feel so down about it. It honestly sucks.
The thing about me is that I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. Everyone does. I'm human and I am a doofus. It's not an excuse though.
But the other thing is that I'm trying. I'm putting myself out there - trying to get a side-hustle going. I mean, I'm unmarried, without children and pets, I am not a homeowner - I can't send out holiday cards like my friends with photos of their beautiful families or letters telling about my yearly accomplishments. I can't do that.
I do have something though. What I have is not material: I am talented. I am an artist. I have my own website with a blog that I try to write in about all sorts of topics. I try to be funny. I try to DIY when I cannot buy. I try to be a good partner and friend. I try to be present in my own life. I try to recycle all of my wine bottles. I'm trying to be a better graphic designer. I have great friends who point out my mistakes not to be unkind, but to help me learn and grow.
With all of this trying that I do, it's not surprising that I fail. I fail often. This is probably not the last time that I do fail. The thing that makes me unique is that when I fail, I'm not afraid to admit that I messed up and I'm going to keep moving forward.
I'm apologizing for being a dum-dum that didn't use spellcheck and was in such a hurry to get my cards out in time that I basically shot myself in the foot. But I sure as hell am not apologizing for putting myself out there and attempting to be a boss bitch.
So, here's to starting the new year making mistakes, learning from them, and prospering.
- There's a beautifully decorated Christmas Tree in every scene...I mean room
- You meet someone with a Christmas-y name (i.e. Holly, Nick, Chris)
- Your cynical neighbor is suddenly filled with the holiday spirit.
- You've seen Candace Cameron Bure sipping cocoa at a coffee shop.
- You live in a magical, isolated, and Christmas-obsessed small town or neighborhood.
- YOU KEEP HEARING FREAKIN' JINGLE BELLS. WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?
- You meet a handsome stranger with perfect teeth who constantly wears turtleneck sweaters under a leather jacket. (Added bonus: they accessorize with a ridiculously long knit scarf)
- You keep having "near miss" kisses with aforementioned attractive stranger.
- There seems to be a warm hazy "Barbara Streisand Music Video" glow that has settled onto your town.
- You've made a magical deal with an Angel, an old woman, or a mall Santa.
- Is that fake snow?
- Perfectly-timed Christmas carolers have shown up on your doorstep, serenaded you during a time of climactic stress, And then disappeared without a trace.
If you're fed up with cheesy holiday movies, here's some of my favorite non-Hallmark Christmas movies:
Mom for Christmas (Okay this is actually a cheesy movie but it's nostalgic for me)
Nightmare Before Christmas
200 Cigarettes (more of a NYE movie)
When Harry Met Sally
The Bells of St. Mary's
It's a Wonderful Life